Saturday, April 9, 2011

Today is my younghest son's birthday. I long to hold him and make him feel special today, but know that God has asked me to be here. He has a purpose.

Satan is busy at work. You know when you're working for Jesus, that really ticks him off. I will not give details but can promise you that he hates us being the hands and feet of Jesus!

We have worked in 2 orphanages so far this week. The sights are amazing. Children long to be touched, loved, and held.

When you travel to foreign lands, there is no rationalizing the thoughts that go through one's mind.

Special needs, older children, deformed children.......we could handle that!
Really, many people say, but why would you CHOOSE an imperfect or scarred child? My response, no one chooses what child they will adopt. God chooses and leads us down the path that He has planned for us.

Let me tell you about yesterday's visit to an orphanage. One girl caught my attention more than the others. I stroked her almost bald head and asked her what her name was. She replied in English with a sweet Ugandan accent, "I am Annette."

I asked how old she is and she said, "I am six years old." Now, I'm not the best judge of age, but I knew that Annette looked more like my Faith, who is 9 and kinda small for her age. Perhaps Annette is a tall 6 year old I thought, but learned later,perhaps thisis not the case.

I thought, maybe she is just confused. You see, many orphans here do not know when they were born......this was the case for Judith, another girl there.When asked how old she was she replied with "I don't know!" I told her that she looked nine, so now she could tell people she is 9 when they asked. What a small piece of information that we take for granted....our birth date.

So, I went inside and asked the nanny there about Annette. I explained that she had told me she was 6, but I thought she was very tall for being 6.
The nanny told me that Annette, was in deed not 6 years old. She is 14. 14???????????????????? NO WAY! I asked her if she was teasing me. There truly was no way that this child could be 14. She may be tall for 6, but no way was she 14!!

The nanny said that Annette is 14, but she tells people she is 6. You see Annette is an orphan and she is HIV+. Her parents have both died from AIDS.

Her mother died first. After her mother passed, her father sexually molested her repeatedly. This is how Annette contracted HIV. Annette wants desperately to be adopted and have a family to call her own. She tells people she is 6, knowing that they may be more likely to adopt her if she is a younger child.

I stroked Annette's beautiful brown skin as I pictured what her future may hold. WHY GOD??? Why? How, could this happen to such an innocent life??? I do not understand. My heart physically aches. I need to throw up. Again, I ask God why.

Annette spoke to another lady on our team. She asked if she could be her mommy. She said, I would like to go to America, and then listed the names of many children that have left to travel to America with their adoptive families.

She drew a picture with a big heart that says "Jesus gives you hope."

And to think that I worry at times about how will pay the water or cable bill. Really? Wow, I need a true reality check of myself!

I knew God had purpose for us being here, but never knew what exactly we would encounter.

Uganda is poor, sad, destitute, and the most beautiful place that I have ever been to.

The people here are so kind and beautiful.I consider it a blessing that the people here, for the most part, speak both the native launguage of Uganda as well as Englsh.

When I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, I had no idea to what extent my heart would be broken.

I held a baby boy a few days ago that was found in a latrine, a place where peple poop. Someone had thrown him there to die. Yes, it could have been a terrible, awful deed, but it could also have been that the mother could not feed this baby. Knowing this may have killed her. Maybe she thought this would be an easier and faster death, compared to starvation.

The police found this tiny one in sewage. His eyes, nose mouth, and ears full of human waste. And God asks, "How much do you trust me?"

I pray that I never forget, I never get to busy with "my" life to remember the people here.

I wonder if God will choose to give me more children. My husband and I both know thatw e are not the captains of this ship called life. Only God knows what His plan is.

Please pray as we continue on this journey in Uganda.

I love and miss you all so much, but again know that God has sent me here.


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