I have been very overwhelmed lately with my daughter's needs. I'm not saying that I want to throw in the towel on her....I mean something totally the opposite.
I am very frustrated because I feel like we are constantly being referred to, yet another doctor, another clinic, another specialist to try and figure out Faith's issues. To me,some days this seems endless.
I want nothing more than my child, to have an easy, happy, healthy life. In my opinion, if you were born with significant medical needs, in a poor country, given love, only to be abandoned, found wandering at the age of 22 months with only the clothes on your back, you should get a "FREE TICKET TO AN EASY LIFE" CARD!
It seems to be the simplest of answers.....right?!
I have spent the day trying to get Faith's appointments scheduled. From her blood transfusions,Neuro-Otologist appointment, Auditory Processing Disorder Therapy, and so on, the list seems quite long.
I counted more than 20 appointments that we have scheduled for Faith between now and May, that's if we don't get REFERRED on to, yet another, doctor!
When it comes to her hearing, learning, and cognitive issues, no one seems to know what to do, which then leaves her school teacher at a loss of what to do......How could she know what to do exactly when we are relying on medical professionals to guide us?
Retaining Faith won't help we were told. We can't give her her own, individual paraprofessional at school they say. Let's see what the next test results tell us, again and again, time after time, and never an AAAHHHHHA moment of clarity for them.
I'm not saying their incompetent, I'm saying as her mother, I am frustrated beyond words!
I had an argument with God today! I talked......he listened! Ha, now that's funny stuff!!!
I'm sure God gets much comic relief outta me most days.....ok, all days! lol
Anyways, when I was talking.....actually yelling at God and he was listening, I was ANGRY......UNEASY.....FRAZZLED!
These are the things that I blurted out in a not-so-nice way to God:
What were YOU thinking?
Are you sure I was supposed to be Faith's Momma?
I am so incapable of doing the best for this child, my child......Why did you choose me?
There are plenty of other Mommies that could do better God!!!!!!!!
God, why did anyone ever take the center out of a doughnut? Who would do something so destructive? Okay, that was my ADHD breaking in. But, why would someone do that?
Anyways,,,,,,I let God have it!! He now knows exactly how I feel, in case I hadn't made it clear beforehand.
I put my girl panties on, put my fist in the air, and let HIM HAVE IT!!
And then.......God turned our conversation around. I didn't want Him too, but He did!! Grrrr, don't ya hate it when He does that??
I found myself with this picture in front of me, Uganda..... a set of twins,one boy, one girl..... born to a mentally challenged mother. All were starving, homeless, and unloved. The mother, had no attachment to the babies and considered them a nuisance when they would cry to eat in the night. She had no mother's intuition, no knowledge or ability to care for the children she carried in her womb.
God sent someone to provide meals, love, nurturing, and a home to the shattered and hopeless......family of three.
A woman was placed in the path of the family to guide the Momma and help save the lives of her children.
Slowly, the Momma's heart grew to love the babies. The babies started to thrive, grow, and and except the love that had been invisible in their tiny lives.
If you saw the actual pictures of when they were destitute and when they started to thrive, your jaw would drop. God sent mercy. God sent Grace. A mentally challenged, love lacking, homeless momma and her two babies......God saved them.
God showed me the picture of what my Faith WAS before he sent us to rescue her and what Faith IS, now that we are a family.
During the talk between God and I, I was guided to this statement: As Christians we are called to love the poor. The orphans. The widows. Even when it is unconformable. Even when it’s hard. No matter what!
Even when it's hard God? Even when its unconformable.....going against all laws of nature???? No matter what?
Yes, no matter what, Bambi!
So, here I am frustrated, tired, feeling defeated,,,,,but knowing, "No matter what" God will get us through this.
I, along with the many doctors, do not have all the answers. But, God does. He knows the plan for Faith's life.
I'm to be her Momma.............. she................ to be my daughter.
NO MATTER WHAT GOD? Yes, Bambi, NO MATTER WHAT!
Please pray for Faith and us as we continue on this great ride we call life. The ride has some bumps, several sharp twists and turns, but in the end, we always return, to our happy place.
Bambi
