Thursday, December 2, 2010
I find myself asking many questions, to myself, to God, to just a few friends and family that I have shared this diagnosis with.
I know how unsure I feel the future is for my daughter.
No one can reason and tell me she will be fine. Please do not try.....you are wasting your breath.
She IS fine now. She IS nine. She CAN function as a nine year old, but WILL she be able to function as a twenty-nine year old?
If you say YES.....can you promise me that?? RIGHT NOW....PROMISE ME!
How will her lil life unfold before our eyes. I don't ask to see the future......but, I do ask to see....... Faith.
So funny that I knew what her name was to be even before I knew who she was and I never knew how fitting her name would be.
I liked the name Rachael,Madelyn, oh there were many names that went through my mind......but, God said, "Faith"......her name is Faith.
I remember a man from the adoption telling me very sternly...."This child is very sick. Do you hear me? This is not an illness that will go away. This disease is forever and should not be taken lightly. Don't make a fast judgment call because this is something to ponder over. Do not just say that your family will adopt her....consider all the factors of "THIS" child.
And with a pull that I cannot explain, God said "GO!" He said GO.....do not stop.
I said, But God, what if? And my husband God...he isnt on the same page....and God, what if she comes home and just dies..then what?
And then in my bedroom one night, I remember this like it happened yesterday, My husband and I came to the conclusion that we could NOT just leave her in Vietnam. She would surely die....that was her punishment...for being born into this world....the death penalty....at 5 years old.
And God said.....GO......RUN.....DO NOT STOP!
I remember sending pictures of our family to the orphanage where she was so she could see us before we arrived to adopt her.
When we did arrive, those pictures were still in the same ziploc bag that I had sent them in.
We were told that she had taken our picture around to each of her friends. Over and over she said.....Look, this is my family, they are coming for me.
She slept with those pictures, in that ziploc bag, under her pillow each night until we came.
When she saw me she pointed to the picture of our family and back at me, time and time again as if to say...that's YOU...YOU came!
Those pictures were paper thin, and were her most valued treasure.
I know one thing for sure. I did not misunderstand God when he said GO! Many people, many my own family, questioned what we were missing or in search of that we had to go 1/2 way around the world for this diseased child.
We were missing Faith.....and Faith was missing us.
Their comments were so hurtful that I could almost not bear them. It took every once of umph in me not to crumble to the floor and fall apart.
How could they say these things? How could they feel these things? Don't they see what I see?
Standing on this side, I know I was meant to be Faith's Momma. I know that I am her VOICE!! I will be HEARD! She WILL get whatever therapy or extra assistance she needs because I WILL FIGHT FOR HER!
She is beautiful, and perfect, and she had Faith....at 5 years old to believe that we would come to an orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam to scoop her up and whisk her to a brighter land, to get the medical treatments she deserves.
No, I am not happy. I am scared to death. I am saddened and my heart is so happy for my perfect girl....and the things they say she has.
I still want to crawl under the covers and cry uncontrollably.
But, I know one thing without a doubt. GOD IS BIGGER THAN ME! I know he has this. I know he said GO!
And bear with me while I muster the Faith to get through today!
Posted by thesevenofus at 3:00 PM