Listen, Follow, GO!

God is calling me.

Uganda is calling me.

The very breath I breathe is truly not my own, I belong to Him!

God has called me to Uganda to love on the poor and the orphaned. I have no idea where the money for this trip, this mission, will come from, but He does!!

Today, I am turning this "mission" over to God. I am headed to Uganda for 2 weeks in April. I have six weeks to raise $3,000. I have $100 that's due today, $1800 that's due on March 1st, and $1200 that's due on March 15th.
If you should choose to make a donation, I know God will truly bless you.

You may send a secure donation through pay pal by clicking the button above or you may mail any donations to The River Church, 860 Plymouth Drive, Durango, CO 81301.

You will need to add a note that says for: "Bambi Rockhold, April, 2011 Uganda trip."

I know God will make a way for me to get to Uganda.
Should you have any questions, you may email me at heart1054@hotmail.com or call me at (816) 565-0867.

Blessed Beyond Measure,
Bambi

Loooooooooooooooooooong Week!

I swear this week has been one of the longest weeks of my life. My husband has been in Texas all week, leaving me as a single parent of some rambunctious littles.

Just an fyi, KUDDOS TO ALL MILITARY families, for I could never do what you do. I cannot even begin to imagine your hardships, aches, sadness, when your loved one leaves for duty,deployment,war.

I feel SMOOSHED today.....like a bug! Like someone has stepped on me and squeezed the very life out of me. My spirit is sad,I'm tired both mentally and physically, my soul aches to absorb the many joys that God provides to me each day I step out of bed.

I cannot focus, I cannot think, I cannot press on.....or so it seems. I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!

I have fear, regret, exhaustion, sadness written all over my body today. No, these aren't visible to others, just me.....and God. He knows.

I took Faith to YET another doctor again yesterday, a Neuro-otologist who deals with issues of the ears associated with neurological issues. We sat in his office for 2 1/2 hours and saw him for 15 minutes. That alone can make you wanna kick your granny!

We got the pleasure of seeing the doctor's nurse practitioner first. She was a middle aged, attractive woman, gray hair, cute red sweater. And then, she crept over to the dark side.

Faith's medical history is complex. Every time we see a new physician, nurse, whatever, we must start from point A..............................and then go on, through her entire history with someone new. I thought about making a sign that states everything on it, making it easier on both them and myself.


She is adopted from Vietnam. Yep, this picture pretty much sums it up!

She sees lots of doctors.

She takes daily medications....yes, I will list them, AGAIN!

She cannot hear....no really, She is DEEEF!

She needs to eat often due to her hypoglycemia.

Oh, and please NO SUGAR!

She must get frequent blood transfusions.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh and the list goes on, and on, and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

She has a CRAZY Momma, who is her #1 advocate, BIG mouth, Referee, and many other titles!

So, cute sweatered, gray haired, family practitioner lady asked me many questions, and I DID attempt to answer, yet she spoke over me every time I tried to reply. Once is understandable (maybe) twice, I may still forgive you, but 8, 10, 12 times you cut me off!! UGH!

Why ask me questions if you don't want to HEAR the answer?? What's the point? Do you truly care about every single, medical exam, appointment, diagnosis, referral, procedure that my daughter has had?

DO YOU CARE?

So,Dr. "stay in my office forever because your time is not as valuable as mine" comes in.

He suggests that Faith needs ear surgery to see and possibly remove some excess fluid in her eardrums. He is not sure because her ears have significant scarring from past infections that were left untreated in Vietnam, plus from her past ear surgeries. So, he would like to try to remove any fluid (if it's there) and put a T-Tube in both ears.

Now, the last doctor we spoke to in the same office said this, " Your daughter has a middle ear bone deformity and ear tubes will not benefit her. I recommend hearing aids to assist her in hearing."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok?!?!?!?!

He says he will try this, then see her back in a month to see if her hearing has improved at all.

Not let me remind you that I, we have been battling this whole "CAN'T HEAR" thing for 4 solid years, and she still can't stinkin hear!

He said if so, great we will check her ears every 6 months.

If not, we will then proceed to send you to another doctor, HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY, who will do an MRI and CT Scan of Faith's head to see if she possibly had a stroke that we are unaware of when she was little, and still in Vietnam, before we had adopted her.

Ok Bob, I'll take door #3, what's door #3 have to offer?

So, today I sit here, again pondering my daughter's future. Her surgery is scheduled for Feb 23rd.

Genetics testing will not be back for 2-6 weeks still.

Auditory Processing Disorder Therapy is on hold until we figure out what to do about Faith's hearing issues.

The hematologist has had to up Faith's medication dosage. Her transfusions have been every other week for awhile now, which has increased the iron levels in her body. If this isn't followed closely, excess iron could cause organ damage/failure.

So, now they would like to occasionally do a 3 week transfusion transfusion to keep some iron away. This will make Faith feel like crap,irritable, sluggish, achy, emotional, but it's what we must do to literally, save her life!


We have an IEP meeting after school tomorrow, the teacher and I. The school that we are working with treats me as if I don't matter. Their time is definitely more important than mine they assume. And I go alone, without my husband because he is in Texas and I'm here....making decisions with doctors and professionals when I can't even think straight enough to remember if I brushed my teeth with my tooth brush or someone else's today.

I do not ask for help, pity, none of that, because I know this is God's plan for us to be the best family possible for our daughter, that He gave to us.

I will never forget the first time I saw her sweet face and was captured by the story her lil brown eyes told.

Yes, it was that moment that "She had me at hello!"

I just need prayer today please for these specific things if you have 2 extra spare moments to go to the throne on my, our behalf.

1. Please pray that I would mentally and emotionally GET IT TOGETHER! I need to be on my toes for the upcoming meetings, appointments, and surgery Faith will be having.

2. Please pray that some doctor or professional would help me, us develop a plan of action for my daughter so that she may thrive in school and have high self-esteem.

3. Please pray that I may get through today and do not collapse until I arrive in the cozy place that I call home.

4. Please pray that I allow God to show me the joys and triumphs that he has already brought us through.

5. Please pray that I realize and know, deep within my heart, that so many people, children have harder, tougher, day to day struggles and that I need to "SUCK IT UP" so to say.

Oh, one last thing, Please pray that when I make and eat an entire batch of double fudge brownies tonight, that I don't throw up. I've never been a pretty "throw-er-uper" and I would like to keep that issue on the down low.

Thanks for lovin me,

Bambi

Where you lead me, I will follow.

Lately, amongst the stress with my daughter's medical needs, I have a heavy burden on my heart for the orphans. Night and day I think about God's next mission work for our family, for me in particular.

I have read stories of starvation, homelessness, and utter despair amongst a people that I have never met. I cannot make this make sense to anyone, nor would I even attempt to try. I just know, what I know, what I know.

Now, there are many things that lie in my heart that I share with no one, not my husband, not my best friend, no one, but God.He knows all my thoughts, cares, burdens, and quirkinesses, and for some crazy reason, he still chooses to hang out with me on many occasions.
I have felt a tugging towards "this" place for awhile now. I know nothing about "this" place except that I am needed, not because I have o so many gifts, talents, or an abundance of dollars to share. None of that truly matters. I have been notified, let's say, "I got the memo" that I am needed, called, to love on the orphans and the people of Uganda.

Half a world away, I do not know them, they do not know me, yet I am called to stop my hustle and bustle and go love. Not called to speak their language, not called to know the ache they must feel, but simply to love.

While speaking with a girlfriend the other day, she told me that she would love to go to Uganda, but just couldn't. Why, I asked? Why couldn't you?

You see the first response from most people is......well, I just can't go half way across the world. I mean what kind of sense does that make?

Let's just say that I have never been called a woman with "alot of sense."
I have always said that my heart is much bigger than my brain, just how God made me I suppose.
I always tell my husband that I am the heart and he is the brains of this crazy operation we got going.
Ever since God sent us to China, and then Vietnam for our 2 daughters, I have felt that I was a nomad......nothing really ties me here, to America per say. My life's dream is to build an orphanage, half way around the world and be a Mommy to the Mommy-less. Really, even typing this makes my heart jump up and down.

I am a CrAzY girl/friend. I need no plans, no agendas, not time schedules, NO WAY (those of you who know me are saying a BIG AMEN to this one!!)no clean socks, just say let's go......ANYWHERE and I am game. Wanna move to China? Sure! Have you ever thought about Florida? As long as my sista moves with us, I'm good!

So, I figure I will break the news to my husband. Ya, this should be interesting I was thinkin!

So, tonight, like a school bus hitting an old lady in a wheelchair, I oh so delicately explained to my husband where my next venture, mission, trip would be. Here's how it went.

He, watching some crazy show like How I Met Your Mother is laughing hysterically while the both of us are sitting on the bed.

Now, let me just put it out there that I was doing, EXTENSIVE MEDICAL RESEARCH SO THAT I COULD help the doctors out IN DIAGNOSING MY DAUGHTER'S MEDICAL ISSUES,(Yes, of coarse they need my help DUH!!) while he is watching How I Met Your Mother, which is hysterical, yet senseless, dumb comedy.

Not sure how he got to be the BRAINS of this thing, but we will just let him hold that title for a wee bit longer as long as he stays on my good side! :)

So, while he is in mid-laugh, I say, "So, if I go to Uganda for a week or two, you got the kids right?"

What, he says? I repeat the line above. He now pauses (yes this is a glorious feature called DVR) the tv and says, well......................

You see whether it be new shoes, adoption, moving, whatever the case may be, he ALWAYS shoots me down first. So, I knew what I was up against, but I am a fighter....and GOOD AT IT I AM!

He said, "Sure, I mean, I don't see why that would be a problem, we will just need to figure out the details with the kids."

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOODNESS! I swear it was like I had one of those EASY BUTTONS off of those Staples commercial.

He said, Why Uganda? I say, I don't know but I have felt drawn to those people for awhile now. He says, I know nothing about them. I say,, ME EITHER!!!

So, this is where the story begins.

I am not sure what the future holds for me, my sista, (oh yes, you WILL go)my family, but I feel Uganda is on our map, God's map for us.

I have been reading my favorite blog almost daily at www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com

My friend, Linny, over there has a daughter, husband and a whole team in Uganda right now.

I would highly encourage you to read and follow Em's blog at http://emonamission.blogspot.com/

This is the header of her blog:

Em ON A MISSION
The story of a girl who is following God's calling to change the world one life at a time!



Below is an excerpt from Em's blog.

Thursday, January 6, 2011
Uganda Uganda you smell so sweet?!

The fan is blowing in my face..
I am laying on my bed exhausted.


But a good exhausted its an awesome feeling.


The kind you get when you have traveled and traveled for 4 days straight.


The kind you get after a long day of hard work of sanding and painting until your hands start to have the forming of blisters.


Yes yes this kind of exhausted is good!


It makes you know your alive.


It makes you know yes yes your here in Uganda.
Where you have longed to be for so long!!


Where you worked hard and saw God provide and provide.


Yes yes this exhausted awesome feeling is the feeling of being here..
In my Uganda.


When I first read her words, "In MY Uganda," my heart skipped a beat. I soooooooooooooooo know what she means, what she is talking about, I know THAT feeling of being on a mission and knowing exactly where God wants you to be.



Another life changing post from Em's blog: Tonight I went down to sanyu babies home
My heart was melted.


You see Josh and I
had noticed that none of the lightbulbs had been working.
They are up really high
and in Uganda there is no such thing as like a ladder
so Josh and I decided to go buy some and replace the broken lightbulbs in the eating room,sleeping room,and changing room.


we counted how many we needed and decided to go buy some
We got there this evening and went right to it putting them in..


Josh had to stand on the changing table, then put a chair on top
and then stand on the chair on his tipi toes
to change the lightbulb.


Then in came Gideon.
He is about 3 years old.
And soo precious.
He knows every baby's name at the baby home.
He is such a good english speaker and talks and talks and talks!!


I picked him up as we watched Josh change the lightbulbs.
He looked up at me and said...


"Mama Emma"


Yes


Yes
"Mama Emma"


It was so darling and makes me realize how much he must long for a Mama.
How much he must long for a family.
How he has watched his friends be taken and still he waits.
and waits.


My heart is breaking


Dear God please bring sweet Gideon a family!


Friends, I cannot remember how old sweet Emma is, but she is young, just a baby in my eyes, yet already follows where God has chosen to lead her, and she has followed. To me, that says alot!

I am unsure of exact details, but know where I am to go. Only God can map out each and every single detail for this trip, and so I wait.....until he sends me.

Next week won't work for me God but the week after that, I'M FREE!!!

SCHEDULE AWAY!!!

I want to love on these people, the deprived, starved, God-less people of Uganda.

Now, who wants to go with me?? YOU, YES YOU.... Will you be going with me??

Bambi

As Christians we are called to love the poor. The orphans. The widows. Even when it is unconformable. Even when it’s hard. No matter what!

I have been very overwhelmed lately with my daughter's needs. I'm not saying that I want to throw in the towel on her....I mean something totally the opposite.

I am very frustrated because I feel like we are constantly being referred to, yet another doctor, another clinic, another specialist to try and figure out Faith's issues. To me,some days this seems endless.

I want nothing more than my child, to have an easy, happy, healthy life. In my opinion, if you were born with significant medical needs, in a poor country, given love, only to be abandoned, found wandering at the age of 22 months with only the clothes on your back, you should get a "FREE TICKET TO AN EASY LIFE" CARD!

It seems to be the simplest of answers.....right?!

I have spent the day trying to get Faith's appointments scheduled. From her blood transfusions,Neuro-Otologist appointment, Auditory Processing Disorder Therapy, and so on, the list seems quite long.

I counted more than 20 appointments that we have scheduled for Faith between now and May, that's if we don't get REFERRED on to, yet another, doctor!

When it comes to her hearing, learning, and cognitive issues, no one seems to know what to do, which then leaves her school teacher at a loss of what to do......How could she know what to do exactly when we are relying on medical professionals to guide us?

Retaining Faith won't help we were told. We can't give her her own, individual paraprofessional at school they say. Let's see what the next test results tell us, again and again, time after time, and never an AAAHHHHHA moment of clarity for them.

I'm not saying their incompetent, I'm saying as her mother, I am frustrated beyond words!

I had an argument with God today! I talked......he listened! Ha, now that's funny stuff!!!

I'm sure God gets much comic relief outta me most days.....ok, all days! lol

Anyways, when I was talking.....actually yelling at God and he was listening, I was ANGRY......UNEASY.....FRAZZLED!

These are the things that I blurted out in a not-so-nice way to God:

What were YOU thinking?

Are you sure I was supposed to be Faith's Momma?

I am so incapable of doing the best for this child, my child......Why did you choose me?

There are plenty of other Mommies that could do better God!!!!!!!!

God, why did anyone ever take the center out of a doughnut? Who would do something so destructive? Okay, that was my ADHD breaking in. But, why would someone do that?

Anyways,,,,,,I let God have it!! He now knows exactly how I feel, in case I hadn't made it clear beforehand.

I put my girl panties on, put my fist in the air, and let HIM HAVE IT!!

And then.......God turned our conversation around. I didn't want Him too, but He did!! Grrrr, don't ya hate it when He does that??

I found myself with this picture in front of me, Uganda..... a set of twins,one boy, one girl..... born to a mentally challenged mother. All were starving, homeless, and unloved. The mother, had no attachment to the babies and considered them a nuisance when they would cry to eat in the night. She had no mother's intuition, no knowledge or ability to care for the children she carried in her womb.

God sent someone to provide meals, love, nurturing, and a home to the shattered and hopeless......family of three.

A woman was placed in the path of the family to guide the Momma and help save the lives of her children.

Slowly, the Momma's heart grew to love the babies. The babies started to thrive, grow, and and except the love that had been invisible in their tiny lives.

If you saw the actual pictures of when they were destitute and when they started to thrive, your jaw would drop. God sent mercy. God sent Grace. A mentally challenged, love lacking, homeless momma and her two babies......God saved them.

God showed me the picture of what my Faith WAS before he sent us to rescue her and what Faith IS, now that we are a family.

During the talk between God and I, I was guided to this statement: As Christians we are called to love the poor. The orphans. The widows. Even when it is unconformable. Even when it’s hard. No matter what!

Even when it's hard God? Even when its unconformable.....going against all laws of nature???? No matter what?

Yes, no matter what, Bambi!

So, here I am frustrated, tired, feeling defeated,,,,,but knowing, "No matter what" God will get us through this.

I, along with the many doctors, do not have all the answers. But, God does. He knows the plan for Faith's life.

I'm to be her Momma.............. she................ to be my daughter.

NO MATTER WHAT GOD? Yes, Bambi, NO MATTER WHAT!

Please pray for Faith and us as we continue on this great ride we call life. The ride has some bumps, several sharp twists and turns, but in the end, we always return, to our happy place.

Bambi

I seem to have never ending questions as from day to day, Faith's situation changes.

Here is the run down of my daughter's issues just to refresh your memory.

Faith was adopted from Vietnam at the age of 5 and is now nine. She has a hereditary blood disease which requires blood transfusions called Beta Thalassemia Major. She received blood transfusions once a month in Vietnam, just enough to basically keep her alive.They did the best they could, which wasn't much.

Faith has gradually had to get more frequent transfusions. We are now up to every other Friday, and we are working hard to keep her pre-transfusion level around 10 or so. Lately, on her dose of 500 mg of Ex-Jade, her ferritin continues to rise again, possibly because of the increased blood transfusions. Her ferritin is now around 900.

Faith does still have her spleen, although many children with Beta Thalassemia Major have had theirs removed and likely, she will have to too.

Faith has a porta cath placed in the left side of her chest and that has been there since 01/2007.

Faith has hearing issues. She has had two sets of tubes and we were then told that Faith has a bone malformation in her inner ears and the only help would be hearing aids and an fm technology system to use at school and while out in noisy places.

Faith also has reactive hypoglycemia, meaning we feed her every 3 hours at least, she has a diet of vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains,,,and NO NO NO SUGAR!

Lately, and for the past 2 years, nothing is working for Faith as she continues to struggle in school and speaks in broken language. This is NOT an ESL issue. She cannot find the words, doesnt understand concepts such as cause and effect and so on.

Faith has been tested and it has been determined that she has a low iq, (69), which classifies her as mildly mentally retarded. We have gone through many cognitive and developmental tests to determine what is best for Faith and still......................here we are with not many more answers than what we began with.

It has been determined that Faith has auditory, visual, and central processing disorders. She may hear something, see something, be involved in an activity, yet her brain doesn't know how to respond or react to the information she is taking in. We were then referred by Dr Hardy in the Behavioral clinic at Children's Mercy to the Speech and language clinic for a complete language evaluation. This appt date is set for January 18th, 2011.

We were also sent to the Midwest Ear Institute to see Dr. Sarah King and beginning APD therapy.

It was also determined by Dr. Hardy that a strict IEP needs to be followed for Faith at school with preferential seating, less work, adaptions on the work given, and so on. Also, retaining her was determined to not be a beneficial. Faith is in a small private school. Her classroom consists of 17 students with 1st and 2nd grade combined.

Faith has started APD therapy and we will continue with this once a week for 14 weeks. Dr. King said she is hopeful that we will see some improvement in Faith, but does not know how much as Faith's case and medical needs are so unique.

When we went the past 2 weeks to APD therapy, Faith had perfect hearing and the dr said that her hearing aids are not beneficial at this time and to discontinue using them.

This week when we went back, Faith had significant hearing loss in both ears, more so in the left ear though.

The doctor stopped the therapy to consult me on her findings. She said that she could not see much in Faith's ear due to scar tissue, but she determined that her eardrum was not moving at all in either ear.

She is insure if Faith now has fluid build up or if she has a bony growth in her ear, causing hearing loss. She told us that Faith now needs to wear her hearing aids again.

She asked, "Have you ever considered tubes?" I almost fell out of the chair because Faith has had 2 sets, and it was determined that they would not work for her, thus the fitting of her hearing aids. I said, What do we do? She had no answers.

She is referring us back to Children's Mercy hospital to consult the ENT team there. I am making that appt today.

She also will be referring us to see a Neuro-Otologist to look into Faith's hearing issues, along with neuro disorders and so forth that may involve the ear.

I have asked Faith's hematologist on more than one occasion to refer us to a genetics doctor, so that we may somehow find out some missing pieces of Faith's puzzle. I was told that we didn't need to see a geneticist.

I am not leaving the life of my child in someone else's hands when I feel in my gut that I should persue this, so that we may find answers as we obviously have NO medical history on her. Due to being adopted internationally, little info is given on the adopted child, because little is known.

I feel that I should do everything in my power to find some..............any.......... answers for Faith so that when she gets to the age of child-bearing years, she will have all the information she needs to determine if having biological children is the right thing for her and her husband.

I think I would be doing her an injustice if I did not seek and find for her. So, I am also making an appointment for her to see a geneticist at Children's Mercy Hospital today.

I have ALWAYS felt like I am on an island by myself when it comes to finding answers for Faith. There has been no book, or guide instructing me what to do next, or when to do this or that.

This is frustrating as I feel we are not much farther in our investigation than we were 2, 3, 4 years ago.

I am looking for resources, answers, suggestions, and prayers that we make the right decisions and choices for my daughter.

Please give me input.....advice, support,,,,,,anything that you feel may be of good use to our family.

Thank you,

Bambi Rockhold

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/photo.php?fbid=166903113321870&set=a.147513408594174.26024.146903728655142&theater

Where are you Christmas?

My heart has been so heavy for many days now. Today, I awoke feeling like I just may not die. I didn't say that I felt great, inspired, rested, ready to conquer the world.....but, that I just may NOT crumble and die today.

You may think this statement seems exaggerated, dramatized, or a tab bit too much. Not so, my friend, I have wanted to vanish for several days now.

Yesterday, I could not muster the ability to come to work, I just couldn't do it. Usually, I worry about everyone else and how my actions will affect them.....but not yesterday.

I would compare my feeling of emotional desperation to an elephant sitting on me. I physically could not get up.

As you know, Faith has been going through bouts of testing. We have been sent here, there, and yonder to figure out those missing links for her.

If you saw my last post, you know that the test results were not good....low IQ, processing disorders, and referrals to yet, more doctors.

We are already a large, busy family. I take Faith every other Friday to get her blood transfusions. She also sees the hearing and endocrinology clinics at Children's Mercy.

I work full time and also have 5 other children....so yes, this seems like alot some days, but this is our life. It's just what we do, kinda like brushing your teeth. After awhile, you just get used to it.

Faith has been referred to the Speech clinic at CMH for a full language evaluation, whatever that means.

She has also been referred back to The Mid West Ear Institute for 14 week processing disorder therapy. This does not sound fun to me....let me just say that.

However, I will do whatever I can to try and help my daughter learn, in a manner that works for her.

I was told in my meeting with the IQ doctor that Faith will more than likely need to go back to public school. She said that Faith needs many special services and resources that she is not able to get at her small private school. I work at her school now and as a family, we love it! I can't imagine the thought of switching her to another school...in fact, the thought just worries me to death. How will I get her there and back and still make it to work on time?

How will I pay for after school care so that someone at the other school will watch her until I can drive and get her, after I'm done at work?

Will she learn the words....sex......gay..... and other ugly words in the public school setting? I am not trying to put her in a bubble and yes, in life, she will hear these things. But, right now, she is so pure and innocent. I don't want to corrupt that not even for a split second.

So, right now, this is what I have decided to do.

I have to decided to take a break...take a breather. I cannot grasp everything for Faith that I need to at this very moment. Thinking about all the unknows seems to have been consuming me lately.

I need to pull my thoughts together, discuss in depth all options with my husband...and then proceed. I'm not even sure I will accomplish this until after our Christmas break.

Right now, I must get through Christmas for the sake of my children.

Today is December 9th, and I have yet to put up a Christmas tree or buy gifts for my children. Again, I physically can't.

Christmas for me has become harder for me as the years pass by. With the death of my mother, the depression I struggle with and other life happenings, I struggle to be joyous these days.

I do believe that Christmas is SO AWESOME.......I just can't express that right now because I don't feel it.

If I could be a jeanie, I would wish that I would come home one day.....and my house would be decorated for Christmas.

The tree would be up and decorated, cinnamon candle burning, decorations of snowmen and the color red will flow through each room.

I was at my sister's house last night and noticed how beautiful her house looks. If I were Santa, you betcha I'd stop there first.

She has a small tree and a big tree, snowmen, and all kinds of pretties everywhere. She has a beautiful red table cloth on her dining room table. Everything just screams, BE HAPPY, IT'S CHRISTMAS!!

And yet....I have trouble finding my Christmas. Some might say, You must do this for your kids. They need this.

But, what do you do if an elephant is sitting on you and you physically can't decorate, put up the tree, and get the gifts....then what?? THEN WHAT??

How does one go about removing an elephant from their chest? How many people does it take to pull it off? I want to kick it off myself, but, I surely cannot do this alone.

I ask that you please pray for me....I need to find Christmas in my heart. I need to do this.

Bambi