Florida......ahhhhh I will miss you

I am back from training in Orlando Florida. My friend Kim went with me. It was nice to take a "TIME OUT" and catch my breath! Wheh, I needed that!

Let me first say that it's amazing how God orchestrates things.
A few years ago, I did not know who Kim was. She and I met through the Miracle of adoption. Her daughter Lily (age 5) is adopted from China just like our Gracie.

Now I have to say that the past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. It has just been rough. My depression has been magnified as I went through the loss of my mother.

In the end, my mother and I were not close. I tried to distance myself from her for personal reasons which you may not understand. During the final three days of my mother's life, I was dutifully by her bedside. I begged God for forgiveness many times during these three days as well as grace and mercy for my mother as she was in the process of going home to be with Jesus.

I am not guilt free. I have many regrets. This is a burden that I will have to carry forever, or until Jesus helps me make peace with it.

This being said, there are many things worse than death. I believe this with my whole heart. My mother's life, especially the past couple of years as she grew sicker and sicker, was worse than death.

I had no idea the pain and agony she and my father had gone through. Hindsight is always 20/20 they say. Well, I think "THEY" are right.

Now, back to Kim. Kim was with me during my mother's death. It was just she and I and the hospice nurses in the room. I could not have done this entire nasty ordeal without her.

I even remember Kim slouching on the wall in the wee hours of the morning. No drool yet, just slouching, but I could tell it was coming.

She and I didn't have the energy to correct the nurses when they called us sisters. It doesn't matter to us that we are not blood. So many things are thicker than blood in my book. So, I told her to climb on the bed next to my mother. She said Bambi, why do yo want me up there...Im fine. I said, "MOM WOULD WANT YOU BESIDE HER!" wink wink

I cope with tragedy and many life struggles with humor, as I did this day. By, the way, Kim decided to join "MOM" and I on the bed that day. HA!

I have never found a more genuine girl than Kim. If I look like crap, I could hear her say....GIIIIIRL, you wanna stay in and have lunch instead of going out? She is that "TRUE" friend.....at all times.You never wonder with her...sometimes I wish I did.... LOL Just kidding!

She and I have been through the most difficult times of our lives in the past year. From deaths, financial struggles, job loss, marital issues and other personal tragedies.....it has been very rough.

It is always so great to be with a friend during hard times than to be alone.

All this said, I feel blessed to call you my friend Kim. I am thankful of how God orchestrated our lives to cross paths with each others.

As Kim and I "O SO COMFORTABLY" sat on the plane from Memphis to Missouri yesterday, my heart ached for a woman that I have never met. I am currently raising a child (Faith) that's biological mother is living in Vietnam. She was forced to give Faith up at almost the age of two because she and her father could no longer medically care for her.

I know her name. I know the father's name. I have their exact address and I have a piece of each of them in my daughter Faith.

My heart has a hole knowing how big of a burden this must be for the mother who thinks she will never see her naturally born child again.

I wonder, does she lay awake at night thinking of Faith? Does she hold on to her mementos, as the only memories she has with Faith during her first two years of life?

I remember after we brought Faith home from Vietnam at the age of five. She could barely speak English but, she mustered up.......my friends, Vietnam, you take me back..take blankets?

She was very insistent and made me promise her that I would take her back to Vietnam to see her friends and to take them blankets because they were without one. How do you look into a 5 year old child's eyes and say no to a question like that?

And so I promised that "one day" I would take her back, to see her homeland, to see her friends and to supply them with blankets, hoping that also during this time we could find her biological mother. I long to let her know that Faith is okay. She is well cared for, pink is her favorite color, she loves school and I love her more than the very breath I breathe.

Now, as a family of seven, I knew this would not happen soon. Most months we are lucky to keep gas in the cars and food in the pantry. Life is expensive and there is no extra money now, nor will there be, as far as I can see, in the near future.

But, I long to fulfill my promise and I hope that with God's help,,,,one day I can.

Bambi

Wheh....I'm Poo-ooo-ooo-ped!

Today is Friday, THANK YOU JESUS! I love Fridays. I told the pre-school class this morning that even if they stomped on my big toe, which I would not approve of, them doing, they could still not make me mad. ITS FRIDAY! It's harder to make me angry, sad, and impatient on Fridays. Oh, but IT CAN BE DONE! LOL

Yesterday was completely exhausting. Elijah got sent to the principal's office for back talking to his teacher and for drawing while he was supposed to be writing down answers for his social studies test study guide. He also got into trouble because he wrote S*** in his phonics book. Nice huh!?

Yes, here I am working a Christian school and here is my heathen soon using nasty words as a new form of art in his phonics book.

Elijah does have anxiety, ADHD, and OCD......says his therapist. But, I will NOT allow him to write foul language or to talk back to his teacher. NO WAY, NO HOW!

You know that little censor that tells you not to tell someone they should not put the color lime green across their wide butt? Well, that censor is missing in Elijah through his words and his actions. I love the kid and today can laugh but, yesterday was ready to crawl under the covers and cry myself to sleep.
The thoughts that have continued to run through my mind are, we are clean, we love him, I make sure he takes his medications on time, he eats a healthy breakfast every morning..I MAKE SURE OF IT....yet here we are not knowing what to do with him.

Parenting is definitely the hardest job I have ever had. It is so rewarding...the perks seem endless. But, some days, it is so hard to be a parent.

I will write more later, just needed to get that out.....for me. Ahhhh I do feel a little better.

Welcome!

Welcome! Today is the first day I have made an entry to my blog site, although, I did set this up months ago.

Oh how time flies when you're a busy momma of five!

My name is Bambi. As you have read, I am a momma of five.

My oldest son, Jacob is 15, Chevy is 13, Elijah is 10, almost 11, Faith is 8 1/2 and Gracie is 5 1/2. It's so funny how each child is so different in our house. Jacob (the oldest) is mature, kinda :). Chevy has such middle child syndrome. He is always treated unfair, he is the victim and yes he is the middle child. Elijah is....Elijah, He is very busy, active, busy....did I mention he is very busy? Faith is loving and kind. She enjoys snuggling and helping me cook. Gracie is the diva, the drama queen. Gracie is the baby and she knows it. She is sometimes snotty but, always cute.

My husband's name is Bill. Although we are just 34 and 37.....he is 37, ha, you're older than me, we have been married for 16 years, 17 this upcoming August. We got married very young because we were in LUUUUV! :) Only by the grace of God, we're still married because marriage is a job. It is not easy all the time. It takes work, practice and growing with each other through childbirth, adoption, job changes, financial issues and deaths. Thank you God for Bill!

Our three sons are biological. We were done having children when our youngest son Elijah was born. Ha, and then God laughs when I tell him our plans.

In 2005, we adopted Gracie from China at the age of 15 months. Almost exactly one year to the day later, we brought Faith home from Vietnam at the age of 5.

Both of our daughters were considered special needs, although Gracie's need was extremely minor in our book. Gracie was born with two thumbs on one hand, which since then, the extra has been surgically removed.

Faith, has more significant special needs, the biggest need we knew of at the time of her adoption. Faith has a hereditary blood disease called Beta Thalassemia Major. I know, I know, you are thinking HUH? WHAT?

I did not know what this disease was either until Faith came along and I was trying to "help her find a home: not knowing that our house was the place she would soon call home.

Basically, in a short summarized explanation Faith's body does not make enough red blood cells. This, in turn, means that she has to get blood transfusions every few weeks for life, unless Jesus decides to cure her, which I totally believe nothing is impossible for him.

We also found out in the past few months that Faith has hearing issues again. We thought this was taken care of shortly after we came home and tubes were placed in her ears. Obviously not the case cause now she seems nearly deaf again.

In the past 2 months we, with the help of many great doctors found out that Faith has reactive hypoglycemia. This can be controlled specifically with diet, hoping to prolong the onset of diabetes.

She is a trooper. She is tough, loving and she pushes ahead. She is much tougher than I would ever be if our roles were switched.

For now, we are just trying to keep our heads above water with daily life. Not because of Faith's illnesses, but just because lately, this thing we call life seems just too rough at times.

This website was designed for me, yes I am admitting to being a little bit selfish and I don't even feel bad about it!

I needed an outlet, a place to express myself and let out my emotions. As mothers, wifes, nurses, chefs, maids and so on, we try to carry the world on our backs. Well, sometimes that load gets heavy and I stumble, so here is my blog.

Follow along if you please. I welcome you, I hope we can relate to one another and maybe someday.....far off in blog land, we can become blog friends.....or not, the choice is yours. Again, this site was set up for me.

Many Blessings,
Bambi