I have not updated my blog in almost a month. Life has been busier lately than it ever has been in my opinion. But, who knows, maybe I am just too tired to remember the other "BUSIEST" times.
We seem to spend many days at Children's Mercy Hospital. I have to say that I truly am getting sick of that place and Miss Faith asks, every time we get in the car....again Mommy? Yes, again baby. :(
Here's kind of what the past few weeks have looked like for Lil Miss Faith:
2 trips to 2 different emergency rooms
a ct scan of the pelvic and abdominal area
received a set of hearing aids (YAY!)
11 different appointments at the Children's Hospital between the ENT, hearing and speech, hemoc, and pre-surgery testing clinics
Removal of tonsils and adenoids along with removal of an ear tube and patching of the hole in her ear
an overnight stay in the hospital after surgery
many sleepless nights due to the pain from her surgery.
Really, in general we have had enough! I don't mean to whine, but I thought life would be easier for Faith. I so desperately wanted life to be easier for her once we adopted her. I want to stomp my feet and scream, IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my opinion, once you have lived 5 years of your life in a poor country without proper food and medical care, you should get a FREE PASS to an EASY LIFE! I know this is not how it is, but "I wish I may, I wish I might" take all her troubles away.
I wish I could say that all the doctors we have run across in the past few weeks have been kind, compassionate, and have listened intently while I have addressed my concerns of Faith's health issues.
NOPE.....NOT THE CASE! These are just a few samples of the words I have been told by trained medical professionals during the last few, long weeks:
During the blood sugar of 337 and abdominal pain at the E.R. we heard :Your daughter is fine. We wont draw labs or take urine, just have her go home and rest.
I have been a doctor for 27 years, 27 years, 27 years (YES, he said this three times!)
After Faith's surgery I expressed a concern to her hematologist regarding her hgb that has been dropping rapidly over the past month even with the transfusion 6 days prior to surgery.
Her hem/dr tells me that we will sit done and "discuss" things on Monday, which was 5 days from the time we talked. Good thing she doesn't need blood to breathe, think, live and maintain function to her vital organs between now and then huh??
Now, this is the chart topper! Last night, after Faith was acting lethargic, looking yellow, (which usually indicates she needs a blood transfusion)and I could not seem to keep her pain from surgery at a bearable level for her, we called the Nurse line at the Children's hospital and then headed to the E.R.
The e.r. doctor(Her name was Dr. Shizzle, so if you happen by CMH and get her appointed to your child just yell out....NEXTTTTTTT!)was not kind. I explained what symptoms Faith was having and that also I was concerned about the amount of pain she has been in. We have not been able to control her pain level and are up about every 2 hours in the night, which has been difficult to say the least.
She said, and I quote, " Her pain seems bearable to me, because kids that do not have good pain control will stop breathing, she is obviously breathing, so her pain is controlled.
Yes, I was appalled too! I shot her a look and she said WHAT? I teared up and said, "nothing," it really did seem pointless to even open my mouth. They don't seem to be listening lately anyways, so what's the point in speaking? she said, "Well, it must be something that you don't agree with that I've said." GEE YOU THINK< CAPTAIN OBVIOUS???
Tomorrow we will be meeting with her hematologist. This is the hematologist that stormed in last week when Faith was admitted after surgery. He had his Nurse Practitioner and Social Worker in tow, to basically tell me that I have been emailing and calling him too much, so he would like to meet with us to "DISCUSS THINGS."
OH DEAR!
These are just a few of the replies I spit out when talking to some of the medical professionals over the past few weeks:
I don't care how many years of medical training you have had, I know my daughter. And my Mommy Knowledge trumps your years of medical school when it comes to my child!
You think I am a CRACK HEAD (Yep, that's one of my classy rebuttals!)
and think that I have nothing better to do than to make up illnesses or symptoms for my child, when, in all actuality I would rather be home baking cookies for all 5 of my children than living in a hospital with my daughter.
We do not deserve to be treated this way!
Faith deserves better!
I am NOT here to make friends, I am here to ensure my child get's the proper care!
My saying now is, you can mess with the Momma Bear, but if you mess with the baby bears, you will get the CLAWS!!
Please pray for these things for our family if you somehow happen upon this page:
Prayer for Faith as she struggles to just feel like a normal little girl.
Prayer for Bill and I as we talk to Faith's hematologist tomorrow. Please God, give us the right words to advocate for our child, not the spiteful or hateful words in my head, but the words that will get us answers and will help Faith's health and well-being in the long run.
Prayer for financial assistance from organizations or state funded programs to help with the co-pays for Faith's medications.
Prayer for gas in our cars for the many trips we make to the Children's hospital.
Prayer to keep food in the cupboards as we struggle to stay afloat.
Prayer for airline money to fall from the sky for Faith and I to take Faith to the Beta Thalassemia Major Specialist at the Cooley's Anemia Foundation on June 29th in Chicago.
This is a huge portion of my stress. Please just help us get there Lord where we will be able to find out many answers to Faith's issues and see inside her body to see if the iron overload has caused damage to her organs, especially her heart and her liver.
Prayer for me, yes, I'm asking selfishly. I am struggling to get through daily life as I am sleep deprived, full of anguish and fears for my daughter, and worried about the daily financial needs as we care for Faith in that best way that we know is possible.
Faith has had many difficult days lately. My heart yearns to buy her a play-doh ice-cream making set, a new barbie, or a SUPER SIZE FULL OF LIFE PONY every time they poke her for blood or we have to do another form of treatment.
Finances will not allow these things which adds to my heartache.
No, my child does NOT have cancer, but she does have a chronic, life-long blood disease as well as other significant health issues and she is drained these days.
I am going to try something and I need your assistance please. Although it is hard for me to be receiver, I am in a place where I have no choice but to do anything but receive. I used to be a giver more than I am these days. Not because I don't want to give, but I just cannot because the funds are not there as they used to be because of Faith's medical needs.
I think that God sometimes places us on both sides of the giving/receiving fence so we know how each feels. I have found this to be very humbling.
Here is where I need your help please. Would you be so kind to send Faith a card in the mail or an email to Faith through my email address that I can read to her?
She loves to get mail and I think this would make her feel very special and make her O SO HAPPY!
My email address is heart1054@hotmail.com
to send a card in the mail to Faith please send it here: Faith Rockhold, P.O. Box 234, Lexington, MO 64067.
I have also added a "Paypal" button in case you would like to "GIVE" to Faith or her medical needs.
Faith is an awesome little girl and we feel so blessed that she is our daughter.
Please pray over us with our many needs. Hopefully, we can return the favor very soon.
Much Love,
Bambi
Faith's Momma
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I will praise you, no matter what.
Today I ask that anyone who happens upon this page would take a moment to say a prayer for a childhood friend of mine named Tricia.
Two weeks ago, Tricia's father had a heart attack, which was followed by a stroke. The doctors gave him no hope as he lay there unable to communicate with the loved ones that gathered around his bedside.
Today, Tricia's dad, went home to be with Jesus. There were no brief moments of consciousness to say their final, I love you's or to convey their words of admiration or appreciation. This is a tough battle all by itself as many of us have experienced death first hand and have wished for the wouldas, shouldas, and couldas to disappear from our moments of desperate thought.
To say that death is not easy, is an understatement. We do not always understand God's plans.
God's "BEST" plan is not always easy for our hearts to handle.
I ask that you pray for Tricia and her family. I ask that you pray that she is able to "Praise God in this Storm" even though this will be extremely difficult.
My heart aches for her as she goes through this process we call grief. It is not a process labeled by time and at times, it may seem like the hurt and pain will never subside for her, as well as her mother.
I have cried out to God and asked him to wrap his loving arms around this family while they mourn the loss of their father, husband, uncle, brother, grandpa, and friend.
Please join with me in sending this friend's name up to Jesus. Only He can comfort them.
Praying for God to send comfort and peace in a time when it is needed most.
Bambi
Saturday, March 27, 2010
From Hopeless to Hopeful....
Yesterday was an exhausting day, to say the least. From 10 am to three pm, Faith, Gracie and I were at Children's Mercy Hospital for 3 appointments. We also needed to have Faith's medical records sent out to Chicago Children's Memorial for Faith's June appointment. This was an easier process than I originally thought and I have to say that I was tremendously thankful for this.
During the day's events, we found out that Gracie and Faith will have their surgeries on April 20th. Gracie will be having her tonsils removed and Faith will be having her tonsils and adenoids removed, along with removing one tube in the right ear that is doing her no good at all with her hearing issues and patching the hole in her ear from the tube. Deeeeeeep Breath.....and now we proceed to hearing aids. Several months ago, the thought of hearing aids for my daughter made me want to curl up in a ball on the floor and cry.
Now, I am thankful that we have gotten to the bottom of Faith's hearing issues and can move forward with life.
We were told that Faith's hearing issues are not due to a fluid build up behind either of her ears. She can't hear because of the bone in her middle ear being thickened. Her right hear has less damage than her left, but she still has significant hearing loss.
Faith is an easy going child who delights in the simple things. She and Gracie seem to always be in a competition and it cracks us up or drives us crazy, depending on the day. Faith wants to be bigger, because she is small. Gracie is 5 1/2 and she and Faith are about the same size, even though Faith is 8 1/2.
Faith was ECSTATIC yesterday when she found out she would be the proud new recipient of a pair of hearing aids in just a few short weeks. She was told that she would be able to choose what color she wants her hearing aids to be which includes, pink with sprinkles (glitter, but Faith cannot quite get that concept lol) zebra stripes, purple, or whatever her lil heart desires.
What is the next thing I heard out of Gracie's mouth? You guessed it. Mommmmmmmy, I want hearing aids! That's not fair! I want pink with sprinkles!! Oh Gracie, I am sorry, you have great hearing and will not be getting hearing aids..lol.
Although Faith doesn't seem to be concerned as of yet, we wanted her to be proud of her hearing aids and strutt them in style.
In my search for "COOLNESS" I found a website which I have now added to my blog as a link. The site was created by a lil 10 year old girl named Hayleigh that has hearing aids. She designed "hearing aid earrings" to jazz up hearing aids so that kids would not be so self conscious about wearing them.
Her site is http://www.hayleighscherishedcharms.com/ Go check it out! Here is a pic of one of the examples that Hayleigh has designed. She even has her own patent and YES, we placed our first order today.
It seems so odd that two of my children were not born of my flesh along with the flesh of my husband. Adoption, just seems so natural to us.
I have to say that Faith's adoption, unlike Gracie's, was not an easy transition. Gracie was 15 months when we brought her home from China. Faith was five when we brought her home from Vietnam.
Yes, we loved her, cared for her, nurtured her, but she had special needs that we were not aware of which caused emotional distress for Faith and for us. We did the best we could, Faith and us, but we were both functioning without all of the details. It was kinda like making a dessert, without all the ingredients...IT JUST DOESN'T WORK!
After finding out that Faith had reactive hypoglycemia, all the details and events seemed to line up and we had one of those AAAA HAAAA moments. After we knew her diagnosis, it all made sense. She would have issues with walking across the room at times as her blood sugar would drop. She would go into a trance at meal time sometimes so much once, that I almost called an ambulance. We thought these things were adoption related, but ended up being something health related.
It's so funny how we think we know "the plans" God has or we have for ourselves, when in the end, we are truly, missing some ingredients.
I am thankful for each of my children. I think, almost on a daily basis how my daughter's lives could be so different. I do not think this because we "rescued them." I have never felt that way. In fact, I feel as our daughters and God rescued us from a life "inside the box," "inside the norm" with the white picket fence and the 2 kids and a house that's paid for.
I think how Gracie could be wandering the streets of China, begging for money to eat. I remember children begging us for money on the streets of China and how it tore my heart apart. I remember being told not to give and thought, "How can I not?"
Then there is lil Miss Faith who the orphanage could no longer afford to care for. They were not aware that she was hypoglycemic, had hearing loss and was deficient of many vitamins that were and are essential for normal growth.
They had done all that they could do, yet it was not enough. And God said GO! Huh, who, what, us? Our families said, "You are off your rocker!"
Walk, Leap, RUN......GO, and when we felt like few were behind us, we knew what God had told us to do. Scared to death, we were. His plans, not ours.
And here we are today with two girls and three boys that are more rotten than ever, and yet, they are ours and we would not have it any other way.
I often wonder how God can show us unconditional, "CRAZY LOVE" as we screw up time and time again, yet, He does so.
Go see my friend Linny at http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ Check out what "CRAZY LOVE" can do. She inspires me on a daily basis. She has faith that only I can dream of having and a heart as big as CHINA!
I found the statement below of another blog. I cannot claim it as my own, yet it sums up what my heart says to me. Adoption, everyone has their piece of it
"When I look into my children's eyes, I see everything that they can be and the greatest desire of my heart is to help them fulfill their dreams. One night while rocking my son to sleep, it just hit me that there are children in the world who have no one that dreams of what they can be. No one looks at them and sees their potential and loves them unconditionally. No one sits with them, holding them even after they are asleep just so they can watch their sweet little face. There are children that were born on the same days as my sons but because of the circumstances surrounding their birth, they have no one. The unjustness of that really broke my heart. Why in this world where we spend millions of dollars on sporting events, campaign fundraisers, inauguration parties, and opening ceremonies, are there children who no one helps? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those things, but when the most expensive adoption tops out at around $50K, it seems that there should be more attention drawn to what we value as a society."
From HopeLESS to HopeFUL
Bambi
During the day's events, we found out that Gracie and Faith will have their surgeries on April 20th. Gracie will be having her tonsils removed and Faith will be having her tonsils and adenoids removed, along with removing one tube in the right ear that is doing her no good at all with her hearing issues and patching the hole in her ear from the tube. Deeeeeeep Breath.....and now we proceed to hearing aids. Several months ago, the thought of hearing aids for my daughter made me want to curl up in a ball on the floor and cry.
Now, I am thankful that we have gotten to the bottom of Faith's hearing issues and can move forward with life.
We were told that Faith's hearing issues are not due to a fluid build up behind either of her ears. She can't hear because of the bone in her middle ear being thickened. Her right hear has less damage than her left, but she still has significant hearing loss.
Faith is an easy going child who delights in the simple things. She and Gracie seem to always be in a competition and it cracks us up or drives us crazy, depending on the day. Faith wants to be bigger, because she is small. Gracie is 5 1/2 and she and Faith are about the same size, even though Faith is 8 1/2.
Faith was ECSTATIC yesterday when she found out she would be the proud new recipient of a pair of hearing aids in just a few short weeks. She was told that she would be able to choose what color she wants her hearing aids to be which includes, pink with sprinkles (glitter, but Faith cannot quite get that concept lol) zebra stripes, purple, or whatever her lil heart desires.
What is the next thing I heard out of Gracie's mouth? You guessed it. Mommmmmmmy, I want hearing aids! That's not fair! I want pink with sprinkles!! Oh Gracie, I am sorry, you have great hearing and will not be getting hearing aids..lol.
Although Faith doesn't seem to be concerned as of yet, we wanted her to be proud of her hearing aids and strutt them in style.
In my search for "COOLNESS" I found a website which I have now added to my blog as a link. The site was created by a lil 10 year old girl named Hayleigh that has hearing aids. She designed "hearing aid earrings" to jazz up hearing aids so that kids would not be so self conscious about wearing them.
Her site is http://www.hayleighscherishedcharms.com/ Go check it out! Here is a pic of one of the examples that Hayleigh has designed. She even has her own patent and YES, we placed our first order today.
It seems so odd that two of my children were not born of my flesh along with the flesh of my husband. Adoption, just seems so natural to us.
I have to say that Faith's adoption, unlike Gracie's, was not an easy transition. Gracie was 15 months when we brought her home from China. Faith was five when we brought her home from Vietnam.
Yes, we loved her, cared for her, nurtured her, but she had special needs that we were not aware of which caused emotional distress for Faith and for us. We did the best we could, Faith and us, but we were both functioning without all of the details. It was kinda like making a dessert, without all the ingredients...IT JUST DOESN'T WORK!
After finding out that Faith had reactive hypoglycemia, all the details and events seemed to line up and we had one of those AAAA HAAAA moments. After we knew her diagnosis, it all made sense. She would have issues with walking across the room at times as her blood sugar would drop. She would go into a trance at meal time sometimes so much once, that I almost called an ambulance. We thought these things were adoption related, but ended up being something health related.
It's so funny how we think we know "the plans" God has or we have for ourselves, when in the end, we are truly, missing some ingredients.
I am thankful for each of my children. I think, almost on a daily basis how my daughter's lives could be so different. I do not think this because we "rescued them." I have never felt that way. In fact, I feel as our daughters and God rescued us from a life "inside the box," "inside the norm" with the white picket fence and the 2 kids and a house that's paid for.
I think how Gracie could be wandering the streets of China, begging for money to eat. I remember children begging us for money on the streets of China and how it tore my heart apart. I remember being told not to give and thought, "How can I not?"
Then there is lil Miss Faith who the orphanage could no longer afford to care for. They were not aware that she was hypoglycemic, had hearing loss and was deficient of many vitamins that were and are essential for normal growth.
They had done all that they could do, yet it was not enough. And God said GO! Huh, who, what, us? Our families said, "You are off your rocker!"
Walk, Leap, RUN......GO, and when we felt like few were behind us, we knew what God had told us to do. Scared to death, we were. His plans, not ours.
And here we are today with two girls and three boys that are more rotten than ever, and yet, they are ours and we would not have it any other way.
I often wonder how God can show us unconditional, "CRAZY LOVE" as we screw up time and time again, yet, He does so.
Go see my friend Linny at http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ Check out what "CRAZY LOVE" can do. She inspires me on a daily basis. She has faith that only I can dream of having and a heart as big as CHINA!
I found the statement below of another blog. I cannot claim it as my own, yet it sums up what my heart says to me. Adoption, everyone has their piece of it
"When I look into my children's eyes, I see everything that they can be and the greatest desire of my heart is to help them fulfill their dreams. One night while rocking my son to sleep, it just hit me that there are children in the world who have no one that dreams of what they can be. No one looks at them and sees their potential and loves them unconditionally. No one sits with them, holding them even after they are asleep just so they can watch their sweet little face. There are children that were born on the same days as my sons but because of the circumstances surrounding their birth, they have no one. The unjustness of that really broke my heart. Why in this world where we spend millions of dollars on sporting events, campaign fundraisers, inauguration parties, and opening ceremonies, are there children who no one helps? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those things, but when the most expensive adoption tops out at around $50K, it seems that there should be more attention drawn to what we value as a society."
From HopeLESS to HopeFUL
Bambi
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
And then, the phone rings.........
Copy and paste this link below to see a wonderful girl that has been volunteering at Go Vap orphanage in Vietnam. This is the orphanage that Faith lived in and this is what I want to do with my life, dance with orphans.
http://angelarauscher.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html
It has been awhile since I have talked to our wonderful friend Henry that helped us while we were in Vietnam adopting Faith. Last night, he called.
It's amazing how, in a split second, your world can melt away when you are reminded what God has given to you.
In my email to Henry I asked if he would talk to the nanny that cared for Faith to see if she had noticed, hearing issues, leg pains, and issues with hypoglycemia. Also, I asked if he would find out more information about her biological family.
We are interested to know if Faith's hearing issues are related to past ear infections, family history or both.
More than anything, we want her family to know that she is safe and cared for, that she has a sister that's rotten and three brothers too. I can't imagine the heartache her parents must have felt when they could no longer care for her and had to give her to the orphanage. She was almost two years old. Can you even imagine?
Oh how their lives must have an empty spot where she once was. Her ears were pierced and she wore a necklace that was inscribed on the day she entered the orphanage. She was obviously doted upon.
After coming home from Vietnam with Faith and looking through her adoption paperwork, I found that her parents names and their address was included in it. I was floored by the fact that I had this information and was unaware until that very moment that I stumbled upon it.
I took a moment to stare at the names and the address that they lived. There it was. I never had this with Gracie as she was abandoned at the age of 7 days old. And then, there it was............ in plain sight. Now, what do I do with this information?
I thought about instantly packing up and going back to Vietnam to meet Faith's family.
I didn't say I was thinking logically. But, at that moment, it's what I wanted to do. I couldn't!! Ugh, I wanted to......... I longed to.........but, I couldn't.
Henry is in San Fransisco. Due to some corruption with adoptions, Vietnam has shut down any and all adoptions with the U.S. So, there they are, the kids without families, and they just sit.....and wait......and wait for someone, anyone, to come.
This breaks my heart as I know, my daughter could be one of the ones that continues to wait for someone to tuck her in at night. God is a BIG BIG God and he sent grace and mercy to a little girl that so desperately needed it.......in reality her story, our story, could be so different.
Even though it was over three years ago, I remember being in Vietnam like it was yesterday. The smell of Vietnam, like China, is distinct. There are no words than can describe it adequately. I just know that I remember, "the smell."
If I close my eyes real tight and think about the day we got Faith in Vietnam, I can remember the smell, sights and sounds that we were a part of on that day.
I remember how many people questioned our ability to care for five children when we shared how we were headed to Vietnam for Faith. Why do you need another child? Why Vietnam? Why in the world would you adopt a child with such a significant special need?
As I walked through the halls of Go Vap orphanage, the part of me that once cared what people said and thought vanished. The babies in the baby room were lying in cribs, side, by side, by side, one right after the other. Some had nastiness coming out of their noses, others cried, just wanting to be comforted and caressed.
Down the hall, there where children that had hydrocephalus. Some had heads the size of a large yoga ball. I wish I were kidding. In Vietnam, though the orphanage did the best they could, adequate medical care was not readily available. These babies laid, their heads to heavy to lift, just waiting for Jesus to come and whisk them away from this life that they had not asked to be placed into.
A little further down the hall was the ward where all the mentally handicapped children were cared for.
One child specifically was tied with cloth straps to her crib. They did this for her own safety so that she would not fall out and get hurt as her mental state was not that of a normal child. I remember someone saying, "Oh, don't touch her......she crazy!"
I cried as I knew that I had made a promise before I entered the gates of Go Vap orphanage. I promised God that I would not leave until every child had been touched, hugged, loved on, or spoken to.
As I was told not to touch, the "crazy girl," I thought, It will be a cold day in HELL before I leave here without touching her!
I cried as I caressed her leg, begging God to have someone else come by to show her some love. Please God, don't let me be the only one to notice this precious gift. This could have been my child. She could have been born from my womb, I kept thinking.
A little on down the hall was the room where all the downs syndrome kids were kept, in cribs.
Now, if you know me, you will know that Downs kids, to me, are ranking about just as awesome as a warm, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut. THATS PRETTY STINKIN AWESOME!
I have even been known to consider capturing a downs kid and bringing them home to keep, forever, whether they already had a home or not. I just can't help it cause they are so adorable.
These kids were in cribs, all day long. They were "real" people. I hugged them, they hugged back. They needed me, to stay forever, and to be their mommy, but I couldn't. I had to go. I knew I would have to go, I just didn't know it would be this heart wrenching.
I had to come back to a life that I know God didn't plan to be this insane; meetings, emails, cell phones, financial difficulties, ipods, dish tv, the list could go on and on forever. I wanted to stay........forever or at least until every last orphan had a home.
Is that too much to ask?
Today, I am reminded of mission work, orphans, promises, and dreams of moving to foreign lands to love on children who don't have a Mommy of their own.
The pain in my heart is big for those that I had to leave behind. I think it's a good kind of pain. I need to feel it so I never forget. Never forget God's promises, where he sent us and what he brought my daughter's out of.
Why did we 'need" one more child? Why did we adopt a child with such special needs? Why did we have to go to Vietnam?
The answer, Because God asked us to. When many were against us and did not understand, we heard God's calling. We are not awesome, nor mighty, not even slightly special.
It was very scary to take that leap of Faith. But, God said GO! Are you sure God, we asked? Is this just me God? Is this you God,again we questioned him?
And God said, Go, I will go with you, Go! When we received Faith her belly was distended, her urine the color of coca-cola. I was then reminded by my wonderful husband that we had not traveled alone to Vietnam. He was with us the whole time.
This link will show you many of Faith's friends, about a year after we left. The little guy to the far right with the arm deformity is our precious friend Lam. He lives in sunny Florida now. Answered prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saBkhvhVMpg
Longing to dance with orphans.....in God's timing.
Bambi
http://angelarauscher.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html
It has been awhile since I have talked to our wonderful friend Henry that helped us while we were in Vietnam adopting Faith. Last night, he called.
It's amazing how, in a split second, your world can melt away when you are reminded what God has given to you.
In my email to Henry I asked if he would talk to the nanny that cared for Faith to see if she had noticed, hearing issues, leg pains, and issues with hypoglycemia. Also, I asked if he would find out more information about her biological family.
We are interested to know if Faith's hearing issues are related to past ear infections, family history or both.
More than anything, we want her family to know that she is safe and cared for, that she has a sister that's rotten and three brothers too. I can't imagine the heartache her parents must have felt when they could no longer care for her and had to give her to the orphanage. She was almost two years old. Can you even imagine?
Oh how their lives must have an empty spot where she once was. Her ears were pierced and she wore a necklace that was inscribed on the day she entered the orphanage. She was obviously doted upon.
After coming home from Vietnam with Faith and looking through her adoption paperwork, I found that her parents names and their address was included in it. I was floored by the fact that I had this information and was unaware until that very moment that I stumbled upon it.
I took a moment to stare at the names and the address that they lived. There it was. I never had this with Gracie as she was abandoned at the age of 7 days old. And then, there it was............ in plain sight. Now, what do I do with this information?
I thought about instantly packing up and going back to Vietnam to meet Faith's family.
I didn't say I was thinking logically. But, at that moment, it's what I wanted to do. I couldn't!! Ugh, I wanted to......... I longed to.........but, I couldn't.
Henry is in San Fransisco. Due to some corruption with adoptions, Vietnam has shut down any and all adoptions with the U.S. So, there they are, the kids without families, and they just sit.....and wait......and wait for someone, anyone, to come.
This breaks my heart as I know, my daughter could be one of the ones that continues to wait for someone to tuck her in at night. God is a BIG BIG God and he sent grace and mercy to a little girl that so desperately needed it.......in reality her story, our story, could be so different.
Even though it was over three years ago, I remember being in Vietnam like it was yesterday. The smell of Vietnam, like China, is distinct. There are no words than can describe it adequately. I just know that I remember, "the smell."
If I close my eyes real tight and think about the day we got Faith in Vietnam, I can remember the smell, sights and sounds that we were a part of on that day.
I remember how many people questioned our ability to care for five children when we shared how we were headed to Vietnam for Faith. Why do you need another child? Why Vietnam? Why in the world would you adopt a child with such a significant special need?
As I walked through the halls of Go Vap orphanage, the part of me that once cared what people said and thought vanished. The babies in the baby room were lying in cribs, side, by side, by side, one right after the other. Some had nastiness coming out of their noses, others cried, just wanting to be comforted and caressed.
Down the hall, there where children that had hydrocephalus. Some had heads the size of a large yoga ball. I wish I were kidding. In Vietnam, though the orphanage did the best they could, adequate medical care was not readily available. These babies laid, their heads to heavy to lift, just waiting for Jesus to come and whisk them away from this life that they had not asked to be placed into.
A little further down the hall was the ward where all the mentally handicapped children were cared for.
One child specifically was tied with cloth straps to her crib. They did this for her own safety so that she would not fall out and get hurt as her mental state was not that of a normal child. I remember someone saying, "Oh, don't touch her......she crazy!"
I cried as I knew that I had made a promise before I entered the gates of Go Vap orphanage. I promised God that I would not leave until every child had been touched, hugged, loved on, or spoken to.
As I was told not to touch, the "crazy girl," I thought, It will be a cold day in HELL before I leave here without touching her!
I cried as I caressed her leg, begging God to have someone else come by to show her some love. Please God, don't let me be the only one to notice this precious gift. This could have been my child. She could have been born from my womb, I kept thinking.
A little on down the hall was the room where all the downs syndrome kids were kept, in cribs.
Now, if you know me, you will know that Downs kids, to me, are ranking about just as awesome as a warm, fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut. THATS PRETTY STINKIN AWESOME!
I have even been known to consider capturing a downs kid and bringing them home to keep, forever, whether they already had a home or not. I just can't help it cause they are so adorable.
These kids were in cribs, all day long. They were "real" people. I hugged them, they hugged back. They needed me, to stay forever, and to be their mommy, but I couldn't. I had to go. I knew I would have to go, I just didn't know it would be this heart wrenching.
I had to come back to a life that I know God didn't plan to be this insane; meetings, emails, cell phones, financial difficulties, ipods, dish tv, the list could go on and on forever. I wanted to stay........forever or at least until every last orphan had a home.
Is that too much to ask?
Today, I am reminded of mission work, orphans, promises, and dreams of moving to foreign lands to love on children who don't have a Mommy of their own.
The pain in my heart is big for those that I had to leave behind. I think it's a good kind of pain. I need to feel it so I never forget. Never forget God's promises, where he sent us and what he brought my daughter's out of.
Why did we 'need" one more child? Why did we adopt a child with such special needs? Why did we have to go to Vietnam?
The answer, Because God asked us to. When many were against us and did not understand, we heard God's calling. We are not awesome, nor mighty, not even slightly special.
It was very scary to take that leap of Faith. But, God said GO! Are you sure God, we asked? Is this just me God? Is this you God,again we questioned him?
And God said, Go, I will go with you, Go! When we received Faith her belly was distended, her urine the color of coca-cola. I was then reminded by my wonderful husband that we had not traveled alone to Vietnam. He was with us the whole time.
This link will show you many of Faith's friends, about a year after we left. The little guy to the far right with the arm deformity is our precious friend Lam. He lives in sunny Florida now. Answered prayer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saBkhvhVMpg
Longing to dance with orphans.....in God's timing.
Bambi
Friday, March 19, 2010
Today is Friday.
That in itself makes me
oh
so
happy!
Normal day......whatever "normal" is. HA!
Work, early dismissal from school, lunch at Chinese, then a nap. Still trying to get over this nastiness of pneumonia.
When I left work/school today I was irritated.....alot. There is a parent who has kids at the school where I work. She drives me CrAzY! She is one of "those" people. You know, the kind that drives you crazy, is high maintenance, always the victim, and ALWAYS expects more than what you have energy to give. Yep, THAT'S HER!
So, again we dismissed early from school and she NEVER EVER EVER picks up her kids on time. Now, let me say that this parent isn't just 10 minutes late. She is 30 minutes, 45 minutes or an hour late on a normal day.
Now, let me also say that I understand being late. Ask my friend Kim or my husband, I am ALWAYS late....haven't figured out why yet, I just am. Now, at this stage in the game, I almost hate to break my pattern.
I was even late to my own mother's funeral. I wish I were kidding. I guess I figured she wasn't going anywhere nor would she care if I was late, so I was....late that is.
Thirty minutes after school dismisses, the Mom finally calls. She is irritated with the school, wants to know why we are dismissing early AGAIN???
I don't know, SERIOUSLY! Just get here so I can go eat some crab rangoon for Pete's sake. Truly, this whole getting out of school at a certain time is not new. It seems we dismiss every day, she just can't seem to remember what time!! Grrrrrrrr!
Another crazy day in the neighborhood.I feel kinda cranky today but, I'm sure you are not getting that vibe. :0
It was such a beautiful day outside. 65 degrees I think. Tomorrow, it's supposed to snow 3-6 inches in Missouri. Huh??
I am so tired of snow but, am so thankful for the beautiful day God gave us today. Hopefully, we will have more sunshiney days soon.
I feel like I should add a "gadget" to the side of my blog called "Elijah's bright ideas."
Two days ago Elijah shaved off his eyebrows. Today, instead of giving the dogs water in their water dish, he chose to give them diet coke. Not sure if they looked like they needed extra refreshing or what. I would say that he never could surprise me, but then he just may prove me wrong, so I won't say that. He is almost eleven, maybe he will grow out of this soon.
One could only hope.
Bambi
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